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09 May 2009 @ 10:56 pm
I'm going to start this rant off with a story.

So a week ago, I was at ASU after turning in a final. Some of the class and our teacher were all meeting over at a place to go drinking. I had been talking to Jordan and she was on her way to come with us (though I found out later it was too late for her to be there cuz <21). Anyways, whilst I was drinking away with my classmates, Jordan was walking down University to Mill. As she walks past three young black guys one of them tries to grab her arm while the other two compliment her. One of them says "Nice legs" while the other says "Sexy shorts." Jordan dodges out of the grasp of the one, and tries to walk away hurriedly. The three get up from the bench and continue to follow her. Their jeering gets more and more inappropriate, "Show us your tits" "Come here baby I got somethin to show ya" "Come here and suck my cock" etc etc. Jordan during this is trying as hard as she can to ignore it and keep walking without looking. She manages to stay ahead of them and after about 15 minutes or so of this pulls her phone out to call me. As soon as she gets her phone out, the black guys disperse.

Jordan told me afterward she was positive if they had caught up with her or she hadn't gotten her phone out that they would've assaulted and possibly raped her. She truly was scared for her safety. I really wish I could've been there for her and helped her. But she's a smart girl and did well. I can't believe this just happened in the daylight. And with three young black guys, probably students at ASU. Unfuckingbelievable. And as far as she could tell, none of them were drunk or intoxicated.

Incidents like this infuriate me beyond belief. This isn't even the first time black men in particular have been incredibly perverted and inappropriate in regards to my wife. And I'm not sure if I'm just particularly fortunate, but this kind of behavior with black guys happens to nearly (excepting one) EVERY GIRL I've been with. It's really really really getting to me. In my experience, (and I must strongly emphasize this) black men have consistently and overtly been perverted, inappropriate, and just fucking fucked up. More so than any other classification of people, race or otherwise. And I have truly thought this over and evaluated it, not like I'm just being selective. It really fucking bothers me. Makes me uncomfortable and wary of them. I worry about my wife because they are such fucking perverted assholes. And I feel righteous indignation and rage when my wife is in any way assaulted by anyone because I love her with all my heart. I would give just about anything to protect her.

As if I didn't already despise this whole 'hip-hop' culture. I HATE the music, and the fashion of it is just utterly absurd. And it's not like i'm not exposed to it often. Jordan absolutely loves that shitty music. And sorry if I'm offending anyone, but the music is nearly talentless. I'm just expressing my opinion from my experience anyways. But the music is just a debased indoctrination system. Teaches about the bullshit "American Gansta Dream" (as if the regular American Dream isn't already bullshit) and how to treat women like shit, glorify violence and power, and just generally behaving EXACTLY how all these black men do. Maybe I'm just connecting to disparate elements but I see a connection between this 'glorification' of supposed 'black' or 'hip hop' values and phenomenon. I've been into porn long enough to see this massive increase in this cuckold shit. The whole "black man" domination thing. It's bullshit. And a product of this hegemonic masculine gangsta culture. And lo and behold, Jordan, who loves hip hop and that stupidity, buys into the whole sexually dominating black man deception. SHE'S NEVER EVEN BEEN WITH A BLACK MAN (curious that she was convinced over their sexual prowess). Yet she believes this nonsense stock, lock and barrel. Sorry to burst the bubble, but they aren't anymore sexual or skilled than any other race. It's all propaganda. And they don't even have bigger penises on average. Research on that one just says they tend to be bigger flaccid, (but also tend to be less rigid while erect) they still have the same average length erect. Nothing bigger, nothing better, contrary to this popular illusion. And boy is it popular. It's ALL OVER Adulfriendfinder and the internet. Blows me away at how prevalent it is. I really hope again (God hates me?) that its just me or a selective observance. Makes me so mad when people buy into the false consciousness. Everyone just eats up whatever popular mass media conjures up. So mindless.

I've heard enough people say how wonderful it is that African-American culture is becoming mainstreamed etc. FUCK THAT. Supposedly the whole civil right movement and minority movements goal has been equality. Not anymore. All this hip hop and the whole popular culture now is a SUPERIORITY movement. It didn't equalize shit. All the culture puts forth is reasons why all the above values are better than everything else. Why gangs are awesome. Why drug dealing and violence is great. Why cheating on your partner and treating people like objects is ok. FUCK. It's sickening and corrupt. The egalitarian ideals from which these movement descend are lost. They have long forsaken them for a minority-oriented agenda. The whole hip hop culture just REPLACED the previous dominant ideology. Do they not understand that by situating themselves like this it only EMPHASIZES race?!?!?! Making their differences more noticeable and profiled than trying to INTEGRATE and NOT seeking a color-blind public. Supposedly, that's the whole point. Being a citizen of this nation not treated differently or distinguished by race but "by the content of the character." Quoting Dr. King. I don't recall ever hearing that in any rap/hip hop lyric...

I feel so sorry for the true African-American advocates and intellectuals. This whole state of affairs must just make their hearts heavy with anguish and pain. I'm sure Dr. King and others are rolling over in their graves nonstop. All the hard work and suffering for naught. The situation isn't any better than it was. The ascendancy of the dominant black agenda will pass as well. And probably be transformed into the Latino agenda. I see the signs already in music, education and demographics. It's only a matter of time. And they have fallen into the same trap...minority SUPERIORITY, instead of equality. Rejecting things for the mere reason that it is "white" or some other qualifier and clinging close to what they see as "their" cultural heritage. Not only is it deceptive (what is 'my' culture anyways?) this whole "ours" and "theirs" idea has never gotten anyone anywhere. It's doomed to pass as well.

I don't like to think of myself as being racist. As an individual, on an individual basis, I treat black men as I would anyone else. It takes effort on my part, as I must regulate my discomfort and wariness, but I nonetheless treat them equally to the best of my ability. They deserve such, and I am the better for my efforts to do so. But I hate the culture in which many of them are raised, where they learn and are used to nothing else. It's hard to place blame in the context, but everyone has the ability to choose. One's culture is no excuse. I even see how it is destroying their own culture. Broken families and other social ills are the norm instead of the exception in African American communities. It's truly unfortunate. But the last thing the rest of society needs is to buy into the same ideology that plagues black communities. It's madness.

This cultural decadence and decay is appalling to me. It makes me sick to see such social injustice and travesties of the egalitarian ideals upon which the country was founded. But I feel so powerless and frustrated. It seems like few others are aware. Or even care. I wonder often if my beliefs about this make me racist. I don't know. My opinions on this are based fully on my reason applied to my experiences and perceptions. That's the best I can do. If there is more that I am missing or misunderstand someone please enlighten me. Comments always appreciated.
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: pissed offpissed off
Current Music: Winamp Radio
05 May 2009 @ 03:50 pm

So I was doing some self-reflecting today (one of my favorite obsessive pastimes) and I put some things together and came up with (probably to most people) an obvious conclusion. I HATE people. Like...a lot. To the point where it's a hinderance to my ability to operate in society. Or at least I'm starting to think so. My new favorite quote as of late is by Sartre and its fits perfectly with how I feel "Hell, is other people."

This issue has a long history with me. I feel like its something that has slowly developed over time as I became more educated, aware, and mature. I really feel it when I'm here at school. Or large crowds/spaces. Or public in general. I pretty much feel under constant threat. And I'm obviously not really under any threat...at least physically. But I almost feel like i'm under psychic assault. It hurts. All these images, slogans, styles, brand names, fashions, affectations and small talk. They just feel so...oppressive to me. The very pressure of mass style and conformity feels coercive. I take it personally because I feel like my identity is being subverted. And my identity is very precious to me. I don't know...I think i'm legitimately crazy. But I just feel like the "outside" is so hostile to me. Wow, that makes me seem like a paranoid insane person. Maybe I should just stop here...Awkward turtle...
Current Location: Fucking Oppression
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
Current Music: Fucking Coercion
30 April 2009 @ 11:19 am
Things always somehow remain semi-exciting. Always new problems, new solutions. Fun fun.

So...I may be changing my major. Yeah, this late in the game too. I'm already like a Junior. A 24 soon to be 25 year old Junior in college. :-/ Not quite sure how I should feel about that. Goddamn, when I did become such a loser?

Anyways, I may be changing to a History major. Not really that big of a deal. From Secondary Ed: History to History is relatively minor. And its more for institutional reasons than any kind of life/career re-evaluation. I'm still going to teach, and I still want to be a teacher just as much. However, due to the Field Experience office bungling and fucking things up so bad, I'm incredibly fed up with them. And the counselors for putting me on the wrong track in the first place all that time ago. And now because of the 2 out of 2 relatively shitty and unhelpful placement teachers they have put me with. I just generally realizing that the ASU College of Ed sucks some major ass. At least for me. So fuck em!

Though a strong part of it comes from my recent experience in my culture and schooling class. We were looking at schools and how they reproduce society, and me being the ever critical one, took it upon myself to apply the lens to ASU. So what kind of teacher is ASU trying to reproduce? Unfortunately, my examination yielded rather disappointing results. For the most part, methods and edu classes here teach you crap. They teach you this whole authoritarian, babysitting, top-down methodology of learning. And they teach you 30,000 strategies to make lesson plans, class manage, and generally waste the prescribe amount of time. That's all utter bullshit. And not teaching. A good example of this is in my Learning and Instruction class. We've spent weeks now on assessment. And testing, and how to test and what they mean and how to create tests. Practicing how to make multiple choice, matching, essay etc. And it all flies in the face of what I've learned about educational philosophy. In fact, due to what I've learned about edu philosophy, I'm not going to use a multiple choice test if my life depends on it. They're bullshit. And I know that before I even am a teacher. They were bullshit when I was doing them as a student. Whats more, its debatable that assessment in that manner can even measure learning. Or what exactly it is measuring in its stead. I refuse to do something that is so disconnected from the learning experience. Fucking shenanigans. I'm shocked and dismayed at the distance in this school of the methods and practical applications of the classroom and the educational philosophy and ideologies at its heart. It disgusts me. And is abhorrent to me as an aspiring educator. Why would any real educator worth their education want to learn methods of wasting class time? WHAT THE FUCK?!?! What idiocy. And what a contradiction of purpose and teaching.

That last reason is perhaps the most important factor of why I want to bypass that whole nonsense and try to circumvent the system. I am concerned that if I go through that, how it will change me. How it might teach me bad habits and cause me to rely on 'time wasters' and rigid strategies in moments of difficulty. I really don't want that. The other Ed students I talk to have certainly made it clear the amount of bullshit work they have to do for lesson planning and all that. Plus, I can graduate in History and still become a teacher easily enough. To get certified in AZ you need 30 hours of ED classes, which if I haven't already gotten I am close to. And some practicum experience. Which I can gain as a substitute or as a TA in a master's program. Getting my master's is another part of it. Since I settle on going for it, teaching right after graduation is less imperative. So learning these 'instructional strategies' if they are of any worth (which is debatable) can be delayed. Another thing my cousin told me is to get the degree in the area you want to teach as getting an ED degree doesn't give you the depth of subject. He says that for instance getting a History degree with give you a level of expertise that is important for the classroom, and the practical things will come in the classroom through experience. From what I've seen thus far, that seems to be spoken in wisdom. So thats that. I have an apt tomorrow to talk to History advising to see if I can get this done. It looks like I might even be able to graduate sooner under a History degree. Which is fucking fantastic as tuition increases dramatically. :-(

You know, I've been sick so long with this cold I'm starting to wonder if I have Swine Flu. Lulz. Hope not. My left ear got stuffed up and started hurting when I woke up yesterday and hasn't really gotten any better since then. I don't know why having a cold causes an ear ache. Or if its even related. Random. Anybody know?

I have a big rant coming but not atm. Gotta get the life biz stuff out. Helps ease my stress about it.
Current Location: Fucking COLLEGE OF ED
Current Mood: stressedstressed
Current Music: Idiots babbling about The Office
15 April 2009 @ 10:42 pm
So here I am in San Diego...which means..."a whale's vagina." Loooolz. Anchorman ftw.

AERA has been pretty neat. I've enjoyed the...atmosphere. The intellectual energy that swirls around academics and the vigorous discourse...its fascinating to watch. Not to be arrogant or anything, but its probably the first place I've ever been that truly utilizes a vocabulary and vernacular I enjoy and use myself. It's hella awesome. I certainly not accustomed to it. Fuckin intellectuals are awesome. Though they tend to be pretty unattractive. I noted that as soon as I was in my first big group...y'all are kinda ugly hahaha. Again, pay me no mind, I'm just being my typical elitist bastard self. It happens.

I've been to cool lectures on everything from Marxist critique of Neo-liberal institutions in schools to Gender normativity and hegemonic masculinity in education. Some of it was some badass shit. The LGBT papers on gender normativity were way interesting. The Marxist lectures were pretty heavy. Had to leave that one eventually. Marxist critique through conflict theory just gets so...depressing sometimes. Jesus, I almost can't bear it. Once you get into marxist mode...every ISA and social norm and value almost weighs down upon your soul, oppressing you and eating away at your brain. So yeah, can't stay like that too long.

Went to Gaslamp district of SD and had some fun. Maloneys for a few hours. Had some drinks. Good good good times. Shot pool, got a bit tipsy. Got to know Cece and Aaron some. Turns out, Aaron went to Mt. View two years behind me and is good friends with Britt, Tachi and Katie. Fucking random. So he's totally like one of my old neighborhood kids. Wow. Small world. We're totally gonna hang out more. Fuckin rad. So yeah.

Still have till friday here. Good god I wanna fuck sooo bad. I can't stand it. I can't remember last time I didn't have sex for a week. Fucking blows! I want my wife! Argh! Jesus, I'm such a horn dog. Wtf man.
Current Location: Westin Hotel, San Diego
Current Mood: relaxedrelaxed
09 April 2009 @ 10:34 am
So, hm...I'm in my EDP class today and he starts to teach us about assessment. And goals, objectives etc. Basically, the highly functionalist component of schools. Made me more than a bit pissy (as usual). Especially since SPF class where I had read the Hirsch article about the flaws with many systems of standards and how generally useless they are. Besides, even if I thought functionalism was more a useful viewpoint (which I don't in many ways), I know that these forms of assessment such as standards and goals are mostly bullshit. The best, most accurate, inclusive objective on the planet cannot in any way measure learning. You just can't. Knowledge isn't even measurable. I tried to bring it up in class only to have it go right past everyone's brains. FUCK. No behavior predicts learning absolutely. I'm fucking living proof of that. My fantastic regurgitation skills over the years are proof that little to no learning took place at all, and yet I met or exceeded the standards throughout school. So fuck standards. Stupid ass shit. Functionalism can kiss my white ass. All it teaches me is imitation, intellectual pantomime and content regurgitation triumph. That way, I can learn to do the little dance in society that school tells me to do. DUMB. Besides, I can't dance. :-/

Cottage cheese legs are gross. Dumb ASU bitches need to hide that shit. Jesus. PLZ

Now to be equitable, I have a commentary on some men's fashions as of late. First, V-neck shirts. WTF. They're fucking stupid. For one thing, guys don't have boobs (well some do, but that's kinda gross) SO DON'T SHOW OFF YOUR FUCKING CLEAVAGE. 2nd. Chest hair shooting out of your v-neck is not hot. Dude. Not manly, not hot, not ever. Also, sunglasses. Big ol'alien eyes sunglasses are stupid. YOUR EYES AREN'T THAT FUCKING BIG. So don't wear sunglasses that big. That one goes for ladies as much as men. Oh, and those retro sunglasses aren't any cooler. Who cares that you found some neon green sunglasses from the early 80's hiding in your uncle's closet. Doesn't make you original, that's for damn sure. Next, shirts with one-sided non-symmetrical designs drive me crazy. All these metro-looking snobby, muscle men like em. The lack of symmetry drives me nuts. They aren't even fucking centered. And the fact that every single one of those designs looked like the rolled around in a wet post-modern art show. Only on one side of course. All stupid curving weird symmetrical designs. Wtf is up with that. I fail to see how that's any cooler. So many guys are such fucking TOOLS.

So I was thinking to myself today, being the existentially plagued, obsessive person I am; Hyrum, why are you so full of rage? You know, Hyrum, that's a damn good question.

Why am I so full of rage? Well, let's see. Honestly, I feel empty inside. An emptiness. So large, so deep, and so powerful, it often consumes me with despair. I have often wanted to end my life to escape the pain of emptiness, and I few times I have tried exactly that. Often I feel that embracing the void is the only option. I truly honestly don't know what to do.

I'm mad at the world for having nothing in the entirety of it that can help me fill that void. My rage comes from the feeling of utter helplessness in a world full of illusions, and other people as hollow as I am. The more I learn, the more I experience, the more I come to see our cherished culture, traditions, religions, and systems of values are just vain attempts to fill that hole inside humanity. It's like trying to fill the Grand Canyon with an eyedropper. That's the absurdity of it.

And so we float on. I lash out at these false constructs in an effort to dispel them...to lift the fog from around my mind. Who knows, perhaps through my educative efforts in my career path I can clear just enough of those illusions from around a young mind; to allow that individual a clairvoyant insight of something real.

I get so frustrated with people, blindly accepting values that are false and not real as their own. People that have fully bought into the system. People that I often wonder are even people anymore; so much have they immersed themselves in the mindless ebb and flow of society they are no longer independently thinking individuals. I often wonder if I am (or anyone) for that matter are freely-thinking. Or merely reacting against norms and false consciousness I am just as shaped by it. Being reactionary against something is not a novel thought or action in and of itself.

However, in the end, I try to comfort myself against the hopelessness. I try to say to myself "knowing the trap is there is half the trick in avoiding it" Or at least if I decide to enter the trap, I know full well what I am doing.

Or is being one of those that avoids the trap all part of the plan, part of the system that impossible to escape? Wow. WHAT A MINDFUCK HUH? It's like one giant mental feedback loop. I need to stop thinking before I blow a circuit.
Current Location: SCHOOL
Current Mood: indescribableindescribable
Current Music: N/A
02 April 2009 @ 09:43 am
So I didn't sleep last night. Decided to do an essay at the last minute. Story of my life. Everything at the last minute. I'm so bad. Really. How horrible is that for a teacher. Geez.

I forgot I had an exam today. Oh well. Done first, within 15 minutes. Hopefully I did well. It was on psychology and such, and I kick ass at that shit. Booyah.

Got a while till poli idealogies. Should be writing my conflict theory essay. Got it started, but I'm not sure where to take it.

On that subject, I have a bit of a conundrum. Conflict theory (at least as it applies to education) is basically applying Marxist materialist conception of history to schools. It's actually pretty intense. At least for me it is. Since schools reproduce society, at least on a smaller scale, conflict theory says that it is reproducing an essentially oppressive ideology. And that's bad right? I would think so. So that has big implications for school. Children spend more time at school than most institutions...and school is nearly as formative and influencing as the family (maybe even more for some kids). That's a big fucking deal. There's a lot of disturbing ass research about how depending on the school you go to, you are treated completely differently (ie: working class, middle management, executive). And teachers are the prime agents of this socialization process thru the medium known as the "hidden curriculum". Ooooo. Making sure poor kids can follow procedures, beating the rebellion and creativity out of middle class kids, and fostering the ingenuity and competition of upper class children. WTF MAN. The whole thing seems tremendously fucked and unjust to me. What's more, here am I, training to be a teacher, to take my hallowed position in putting kids in their "place". Wonder what ASU is...in terms of what kind of teacher it reproduces to oppress youth in AZ. Shit. I'm half-appalled that I am going to be participating in an essentially oppressive institution. Leaves me with a bitter taste in my mouth and more than a bit of self-disgust. Oppressing kids and perpetuating and fucked form of class rule is the last thing I want to do. It's seriously been challenging my fundamental goal in teaching: to help, liberate, and enlighten.

But then...I started thinking about other jobs. Careers. Banker, doctor, lawyer, engineer...and realized that ALL of them are more oppressive than teacher. Dedicated to the status quo. Many jobs exist for the mere purpose of perpetuating a system to keep the workers docile under a socio-cultural hegemony. As bad as it is, teacher is the ONLY career I could come up with that even has the remote possibility of diminishing the massive, daily, choking false consciousness around us. I realized I can even do it in subtle but powerful ways. One idea I've had in recent months after a discussion from one of my classes is to have an absurdly high point grading system. Even the most basic assignment in my class will be worth at last 1,000 points. Epic lulz. Why? Cuz I want to show the utter subjective RIDICULOUSNESS of grading. And how they mean absolute shit. There is no value. Plus, if I just add zeros, makes easy math for me. Projects will be worth at least 1 million points. Who knows, maybe some students will work extra hard if I throw on extra zeros hahahaha. And yet...I'll still be conforming with the constraints of my job, having a grading system and all. But it will be like a big inside joke with the class...everyone will know that grades really are just subjective values placed by instructors to somehow represent something as abstract and unknowable as true student learning. HA! FUCK YOU SYSTEM! PWNED...

Goddamn, I hate this whole female tights fashion trend... NO I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR FAT THIGHS AND CAMEL TOE. Fuckin gross...98.9999% of girls that wear these I would never, ever want to see their disgusting pectoral/genital region in the kind of detail rendered by ultra-tight tights. Same goes for those ridiculously tight and short shorts (roughly same effect). WTF. And that 1% is my wife cuz she's fucking hot and skinny and has a really really nice lookin vajayjay. Just thought you should know. Well I better stop there on my fashion rant for now, I've already delved too far into conflict theory for the day. Just goes to show that women DRESS FOR WOMEN...not for men, like they claim. Otherwise they wouldn't wear stupid, unattractive, and unflattering trendy clothes and would instead wear tantalizing, yet classy and elegant clothes for us menfolk to enjoy. Men don't want to see that nasty shit, we want to be teased, leave some mystery for god's sake, I don't want to see the exact outline of your labia before I get your clothes off. Dumbshit. That's fuckin mass society for ya.

Christ, I have rage problems. :-/
Current Location: Fuckin School
Current Mood: bitchybitchy
Current Music: Some dumb bitch talkin
22 January 2009 @ 06:51 pm
The first seven (7) people to respond to this post will get something made by me.

This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:
I make no guarantees that you will like what I make.
What I create will be just for you.
It will be done this year (2009).
You have no clue what it will be. It may be a mix CD. It may be a poem. I may draw or paint something. I might bake you something. Who knows? Not you, that's for sure.
The catch? You must post this in your own journal as well.

I'll ask for mailing addresses when over.
Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
16 December 2008 @ 11:15 am
Today I'm going with my Father to put our family dog, Buster, down. He's simply gotten to old, ornery and in too much pain. I'll miss him.
Current Mood: blankblank
27 October 2008 @ 03:00 pm
Go to urbandictionary.com and type in your answer to each question in the search box, then write the FIRST definition it gives you.

1. Your name?

hyrum isn't defined yet.

2. Your age?

24, The Jack Bauer Power Hour. The most entertainment you can stuff into a single day. Full of twists, turns, violence, and Elisha Cuthbert.

3. One of your friends?

An odd, deranged, or insane person attempting to masquerade as normal.

4. What should you be doing?

Vulgar slang. To perform oral sex on

5. Favorite color?

yes... it is most definitely referring to the marijuana... and also, upon occassion, any substance with similar uses. too, properly, of course, it is a golfing term, but that;s really not very much fun, now is it?

6. Hometown?

cantonese exclamation which can be added after every single sentence

7. Month of your birthday?

In Japan, an early publication featuring male/male stories in the tanbi style. People used to refer to the category of male/male relationships targeted at the female audience as June, but since that was a trade name for a magazine, that meaning of the term has fallen into disuse. The category has evolved and changed so much and the types of stories so varied that the entire category is now called BL by the industry and most fans. In some places, including Comiket, original stories are still called 'sousaku (original) June'.

8. Last person you talked to?

a little girl who likes to sucks her thumb to much
and often touches peoples butts
she also likes to poop red
also means boobies
likes many men -- promiscuous

9. What did you last eat?

Better than McDonald's

10. Your nickname?

An abnormaly large penis.

I lol'd.
Current Mood: amusedamused
11 August 2008 @ 02:22 pm
Hi LJ peoples. It's been a long time.

I gots a new phone. Iphone 3G. I dumped stupid Alltell (especially since Verizon bought them out, UGH) and am now on an account with Jordan, so we'll save on the phone bill. Woohoo. 3G's are super cool. You can put badass applications on em, like one to make it sound like a lightsaber, a pocket encyclopedia or a locator that automatically updates the nearest services to you. Useful as fuck. Love it. Oh...but AT&T blows. Kinda big downside. Message me if you want my number. I'm not that stupid as to put it out in a public forum.

The wedding progress is going well. We've began to compile guest lists and such and are trying to find a place. That is appearing to be harder than we thought. Jordan bought her wedding dress. :-D Yay. She showed me a pic of it online and it looks beautiful...I'm sure her in it will look gorgeous. She's also picked the colors to be plum with silver. The way she showed me sure looks pretty. Some problems with one of her bridesmaids (best friend Desiree) with her bf not letting her buy a dress. Her man Jose is seriously one of the biggest assholes and pieces of shit I have ever known in my fucking life. I don't even want to get into it. A journal entry isn't long enough of a rant for his worthless ass. And I get to meet him in person in about a week at Desiree's son's bday party. Woofuckinghoo.

I have my orientation coming up on the 15th and school will be starting the end of the month. Honestly, I'm pretty excited. My motivation and schedule get pretty messed up during the summer, and I really really need to get back on track. Like a lot. I was not taking my meds for a while, then i was taking them, then i ran out and had trouble getting more and now I finally have more so that's kind of been up and down and rather shitty. But Jordan (and myself) deserve a Hyrum who isn't a grumpy bastard most of the time. Plus I gotta have my shit together before school starts.

My brother is doing well in South Africa. I miss the kid tons. Plus he needs to crack my back, it's hurtin lots. Ow. Here's his blogspot if any is curious. His pictures are rather amusing.
http://elderpsmith.blogspot.com/ I'm proud of him.

Things at the apartment are going great, we got some furniture, and I finally got it all built. Two big bookcases, a table, four chairs, and a coffee table. We are looking for a good matching entertainment center now for the tv. I'm glad I let Jordan have the decorating reins haha. We are getting along famously, though of course we have our problems, they never have been long-lasting or anything that isn't overcome. As much as her emotional disposition and crying can be hard sometimes, I've come to see it as a blessing because it brings out sympathy in me and helps things get over with quickly. Even with the added stress of living together and trying to get a wedding together it hasn't strained our relationship to the breaking point. I am so in love with her and I'm looking forward to spending my life with her. We've talked about making a family together a lot recently and it fills me with happiness to talk about having children with her. She'll be an exemplary mother. And she will bring out the best in our children. The future has never looked so good in all my life.
Current Location: Apartment
Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
Current Music: VNV Nation-Legion(Janus)